Yep, it's been two months

Since I last attempted a blog.  Can't say I'm sorry about it, either, because I honestly forgot that this blog even existed.  And, I guess since we're almost a month past Christmas, it's too late to blog about that.  LOL.  We did have a great Christmas, though. :P

Tyler is in his second month out of town for work.  Not only is he out of town, but he works 7 days a week, 12 hours a day - AND, he's on night shift.  Yeah, remember those days I was a single mama?  They're back x2 (because back then, I only had one kiddo.)  I feel incredibly blessed, though, that he found this job.  God has His name written all over it.

I'm back to working full time and my body is beginning to feel the wear and tear of full-time work and motherhood without my husband here to help.  But, on the bright side, I do get to have adult interaction, which is something I was missing when I was at home.  I do plan on coming home again within the next couple of years, God-willing, but I am grateful for this season and the opportunity to make some big things happen for our family.

I probably won't update this blog too terribly often.  I don't really have the time to dedicate to it, and honestly, I do better/am happier when I am not tied down (wow, that sounds terrible!)  I found when I was trying to update constantly, I would get depressed about how "boring" my life was compared to other bloggers.  I would probably do better with something like a Twitter account because I'm always seeing things I'd love to talk to people about, but if I don't do it immediately, it's gone from my memory.  And, I don't have a smart phone to take pictures, so that'll have to wait.  Maybe in October, when I can finally ditch my free phone, I'll upgrade.

Anyway, just letting everyone in blog land know that we're still here. 

One month 'till Christmas!

Happy (late) Thanksgiving to everyone!  I hope it was a good one.  We ate a lot of awesome food and spent some time with my aunts/uncles/cousins and had a great time.

Today, we've moved on to Christmas.  We did a little Christmas shopping this morning, and then went to buy our Christmas tree.  We are swearing off fake Christmas trees - they are a pain in the butt to assemble/disassemble, they don't have a nice scent, and there is something so fun about picking out a fresh tree of your own each year!  It's a great tradition.

We wanted to cut our own tree down from one of the local tree farms, but the Fraser Firs we like don't grow here in Texas (they're an eastern thing) and all of the "Texas trees" are hideous.  Bushy & hideous.  So, we went with a pre-cut tree and it smells wonderful.  Caden picked it out himself!

 

 

After we loaded the tree into the car, we stopped off at a local coffee shop & the kids/Tyler got ice cream cones and I got a frozen mocha cappucino.

Then, we headed home to decorate!

7:18. Houston: my house.

I must admit that I could use a drink about now.  A little somethin' to take the sting off of things.

This past weekend, Tyler and I made some decisions that will have major implications for our family.  Mainly, that I will be returning to work next week.

(crickets)

I know, it's sad.  This was so NOT what I wanted.  But, part of being an adult is making decisions that aren't necessarily what you want (wah wah wah), but will lead to a greater good.  For us, that greater good is total debt freedom & the purchase of a home.  Oh, and maybe preventing biting each others heads off.  Even the kids have been short-tempered.

I'm fortunate to have a job with funny, intelligent people.  It makes going to work a lot easier to digest.  Of course I'd prefer snuggle sessions with Noah and having the opportunity to go to Caden's turkey dinner at school next week (which I mistakenly promised I'd do prior to accepting my new position ... I'm a bad mom!)  But, that will come.  Working will not be permanent for me.  It's a means to an end.  Our goal is for me to be a permanent stay-at-home-mom/wife, but some concessions need to be made on the way.

I am happy to say, though, that we've managed to get the boys enrolled in a really great daycare.  Our last preschool experience left a lot to be desired.  This time, when I searched the Texas Department of Family Services website, there were no major issues.  Hoorah!  This time last year, there was a waiting list several months-long for Noah to even get in the door.  This time, immediate availability!  It couldn't have worked out better.

For the rest of the week, I will be taking Noah for a few hours each day to get acquainted with his new school, teachers, and friends.  I may even escape to do a little back-to-work shopping.  I need some work clothes/shoes/purses/accessories.  Tyler and I BOTH have serious wardrobe issues.  As in, we have no clothes.  The few clothes we do have are so worn out & abused that we end up with nothing. Nothing decent, anyway.

Tyler leaves for a job two hours away on Sunday (eeeeek!)  and I am bracing myself.  I am NOT looking forward to it.  Before I sound ungrateful, I should mention how thankful I am that this opportunity presented itself to my husband.  Scratch that, that my husband went out and sought opportunities.  He's been a go-getter and when he's been knocked down, he hasn't stayed down for long.

So, pray for us while we gear up for a lot of changes.  I'm back to work, the boys are back to day care, Tyler is off to a out-of-town job, and the holidays are near.

He speaks

Life is crazy.  Really crazy.  Half the time I don't know if I'm up or down, left or right, man or woman.  Ha, just kidding about the last one.  But seriously, life is so crazy right now that it's hard to stay grounded.  I find myself looking for an escape.  But, there is no escape.  Life deals you frustrations and you have to learn to handle them.

I'm really good at learning to handle frustrations and then forgetting.  Times get hard, I get temporarily focused, then I lose control again.  As if I ever had any control.  That's one of my biggest frustrations - realizing that I have no control.  Never really did, even when I thought I did.

Since Tyler lost his job in September, we have been up and down, side to side, frontwards, backwards, and everything in between.  Crazy doesn't even begin to describe this time in our lives.  And yet, I know it could be so much worse.  It could be better, too.  But, it could be worse.  It can always be worse.

God has been so faithful during this time.  I don't acknowledge His faithfulness nearly as often as I should.  I send myself into a spiral of depression and anxiety, spending my days worried about what will happen next.  Not fully trusting in The One who knows every detail of my life, my husband's life, my children's lives.  He knew the moment we'd be born, the moment we will die, and every. single. occurrence in between.

I pledged to my husband (who has been driven to the edge by my anxiety) that I am going to get out of the house more.  I have been spending most of my time cooped up in our 1040 sq. ft. apartment with Noah in an attempt to save money.  In the process, I have spent nearly every minute panicking about our financial situation, Tyler's schooling, his potential job opportunities, our future prospects, etc. etc. etc.  It's enough to make you have a heart attack.

Yesterday, in an effort to keep my promise to my husband, I drove Noah to a nice park about 15 minutes from my house.  As I was driving, I was praying for God to save me from myself.  To intervene in my negative thoughts.  To please, oh please, help me let go and trust in Him and my husband.  This is a miracle only God can handle - I am a control freak to my core.

He didn't answer right away.  Instead He waited.  He waited a few hours.  He waited until Noah was silently sleeping in the backseat after playing hard at the park.  He waited until I was parked in the carpool lane at Caden's school.  He waited until there was nothing to distract me from His message.  I sat in my car, looking at the wind blowing and the birds flying, admiring how life goes on in the midst of chaos.  Suddenly He spoke in an almost audible voice.  "It will all be okay.  Let Tyler take the lead."

Ordinarily, I'd be the type to question if this was really God speaking to me, or if it was my own mind playing tricks on me.  But, I knew that I would never give myself such advice.  Because, well, I don't really trust anyone.  It had to be Him.  And such simple advice (it usually is.)  Huh, let Tyler take the lead.  You mean, I am supposed to trust the man I married and pledged my whole life to to take control of our family?  Loosen my grip on what we have left?

I figured the only way I'd follow through with God's advice to me was to acknowledge it by informing my husband that God wanted me to (gulp) relinquish control.  To him.  Tyler laughed when I told him.  Mostly because it's what he has been telling me all along.  I'm pretty sure my controlling tendencies are my single-mother days following me around.  I honestly don't know that that part of me will ever completely go away.

I'm sure He intends many lessons to be learned in one simple command, "Let Tyler take the lead."  Not only to relinquish control, but to actually trust my husband.  To rely on him to provide, to trust in his abilities, to believe that he has our best in mind.  I'm not proud that this is so hard for me.

This new command, though, has already opened my eyes to areas that need attention.  It's only been one day!  Caden is having a hard time focusing at school; something we are working with his teacher to correct.  Noah is expressing himself with tantrums (hello, full-blown terrible twos!)  By spreading myself too thin, things may have gotten more out of control than they might have otherwise.

My first goal for myself is to read at least ONE of the many books I've bought over the past couple of years, in one week.  I'm not a book reader, I'm a book buyer.  I buy with great intentions and never get around to reading them.  The books collecting dust on my bookshelf include ...

- "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldham
- "More than Enough" by Dave Ramsey
- "Raising a Modern Day Knight" by Robert Lewis (actually intended for dads)
- "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian
- "Grace Based Parenting" by Dr. Tim Kimmel

And, since I've bored you enough, here are a few pictures from the past few weeks ..

The time I met Dave Ramsey

Only those of you who know me 1/2 well will understand just how exciting this is for me!  This is the uber nerd coming out in me.  I can't help it.  And I don't want to. :-)

I MET DAVE RAMSEY on Friday night!  My wonderful husband agreed to drive an hour out of our way to take me to meet him.  I've been looking forward to this since April, so I've had plenty of time to get excited.

I brought my Total Money Makeover book for him to sign, since I really didn't see a need in buying his new book, EntreLeadership.  It's for people who own small businesses and those who have jobs that involve them working with other people.  I work with Noah.  And Caden.

BUT, this book signing was for his EntreLeadership book (read:  he was only signing EntreLeadership books), so I had to shell out $25 to buy the book.  That's okay, I was willing to do what it took to meet the guy who has re-shaped my whole view of money over the past year and a half.

I should go back a minute and introduce you to the "Dave car."  This is a replica (different paint job, of course) of the car he drove while selling his first book out of his trunk.  They had it parked outside of the book store!

So after buying the book, I hopped in line and waited.  The line moved pretty quickly - I waited for maybe 20-25 minutes.  Tyler was kind enough to keep the boys entertained, so that Noah's whining wouldn't take away from my experience.

As I made my way toward him, I became a certified member of the paparazzi.

Finally, it was my turn.  I asked him how he was, and he answered with his ever-famous "better than I deserve."  :-)  He was very nice and personable.  So glad I got a chance to meet him.  He has encouraged me and Tyler to do better with what we have - and it has made a world of difference, especially in trying times.

Oh, did I forget to show you the autograph?!  Silly me.

The next day, I attended his live Total Money Makeover event.  He is a master communicator - even my husband enjoys listening to him.  He is funny, effective, and to the point.  I love it.  Had a wonderful weekend learning about being a good steward of our money.  I can't wait to be in the position to help others with our "excess."

A to Z of Me

Hm, well, since I have nothing else to post about right now, I'll do this nifty little survey I found on A Sorta Fairytale.  Kinda fun! :-)

A. Age: 25
B. Bed size: Queen - would love to upgrade to a King eventually, but I'm in love with our bedroom suit.
C. Chore that you hate: Cleaning the bathrooms.  Have you ever lived with three guys?
D. Dogs: Nope.
E. Essential start to your day: I'm usually whacked in the face by Noah's feet after he climbs into bed with us to wake us up.
F. Favorite color: Emerald or Kelly green
G. Gold or Silver: Platinum
H. Height: 5'5"
I. Instruments you play: Sadly, none. But I'd love to learn the piano.
J. Job title: Contract Paralegal
K. Kids: 2 dashing boys, Caden & Noah.
L. Live: Texas
M. Mother’s name: Kim
N. Nicknames: Ash
O. Overnight hospital stays: Only times I've ever spent the night in the hospital was when I gave birth.
P. Pet peeves: Is it bad that I have so many I can't even think of them?  I really can't stand when people smack their lips.  Nasty habit.
Q. Quote from a movie: "You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!" - Wedding Crashers
R. Right or left handed: Right handed.
S. Siblings: Two younger half-brothers, Bryant (19) and Jacob (7).  One younger half-sister, Kylie (4.)
T. Time you wake up. Usually between 6 and 7.  Depends on how long I can tolerate Noah's feet in my face.
U. Underwear: Yes, I wear them.
V. Vegetable you hate: Spinach
W. What makes you run late: Usually something to do with my kids.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Dental. Ultrasound?  Is that an X-Ray?
Y. Yummy food that you make: Spaghetti & Chocolate Chip Cookies
Z. Zoo animal: Baby lions.

Well, that didn't last long

I already don't like the blog name.  It's not unusual for me to be so indecisive.  I should probably stick with something I can't change ... like, my own name?  On my first blog I used my name and never had an issue with it (other than worrying about potential creepers.)

Maybe if I change it to my real name and leave out my location and change the names of the innocent, I'll have a better shot at safety & not drive y'all crazy with blog name changes..